I want to ask you something, and I want you to really think about your answer.
When was the last time you did something purely for yourself? Not because someone needed you to, not because it was practical, and not because it benefited your family, your partner, your children or your work. Something you chose simply because it mattered to you.
And when you did, did you enjoy it? Or was there a little voice in the back of your mind reminding you of everything else you should have been doing?
I ask because I see so many women (including myself) who have become incredibly good at looking after everyone else, yet somewhere along the way, they’ve forgotten how to look after themselves.
Not because they don’t know how. But because they’ve spent so many years believing that everyone else’s needs should come first.
And eventually, that becomes their normal.
When did putting yourself last become normal?
Think about how easily you spend money on the people you love. Your children need something, and you find a way. Your partner wants something, and you make it happen. Something needs replacing around the house, and you don’t spend weeks questioning whether the household deserves it.
But when it comes to spending money on yourself, suddenly there’s an internal debate.
Do I really need it? Can I justify it? Shouldn’t I put that money towards something else? What will everyone think?
And it’s not just money.
It’s time. Energy. Attention. Dreams.
You can rearrange your entire day to accommodate someone else’s needs, yet finding an hour to do something that makes you happy feels almost impossible.
You tell yourself you’ll get around to it when things settle down. When the kids are older. When work isn’t so busy. When there’s more money. When everyone else is okay.
But here’s what I’ve noticed.
There’s always something else that needs doing. Someone else who needs you. Another reason to wait.
And before you know it, years have passed.
You’ve become everything to everyone, but where are you in your own life?
There’s something that happens when you spend decades being the responsible one, the organiser, the problem solver, the person who remembers everything and makes sure everyone is okay.
You become so familiar with those roles that you begin to forget there’s a person underneath them.
A woman with her own interests, desires, ambitions and dreams.
Maybe you once wanted to travel more. Start a business. Study something completely different. Write a book. Explore your spirituality. Change careers. Or simply have the freedom to decide what you want your days to look like.
Perhaps you can’t even remember what you wanted anymore.
And that can be a confronting realisation.
Because from the outside, your life might look perfectly fine. You’ve worked hard. You’ve raised a family, built a career, supported others and done what you believed was expected of you.
You have plenty to be grateful for.
So why does something still feel missing?
I believe this is where many women begin to feel conflicted. They love their families and appreciate the life they’ve created, but there’s a quiet feeling that they haven’t quite finished becoming who they’re meant to be.
And then comes the guilt.
Because surely, after everything you have, you should be happy?
But gratitude and wanting more for yourself can exist together. You can love your life and still want parts of it to change.
You can be grateful for everything you’ve experienced and still wonder what’s next.
That doesn’t make you selfish or ungrateful. It makes you human.
The belief that keeps so many women stuck
Somewhere along the way, many of us learnt that being a good woman meant being a selfless woman.
A good mother puts her children first. A good partner makes sure everyone is happy. A good employee goes above and beyond. A good friend is always available.
And while there’s nothing wrong with being caring, generous and supportive, I think we need to question what happens when those qualities come at the expense of our own wellbeing.
Why have we made self-sacrifice such an important measure of a woman’s worth?
Why do we celebrate the woman who does everything for everyone, yet sometimes judge the woman who decides to prioritise herself?
And why do so many women feel they need a good enough reason to invest in their own happiness?
These are the beliefs I want us to start questioning.
Because just because something has been normal for most of your life doesn’t mean it has to remain normal for the rest of it.
You are allowed to change the rules you’ve been living by.
What if this chapter of your life is meant to be different?
One of the things I love about working with women in their 40s, 50s and beyond is that there often comes a point when they begin to question things they’ve accepted for years.
They start asking themselves questions they may not have had the time, space or confidence to ask before.
Is this really what I want? Am I happy? What would I do if I wasn’t so worried about everyone else’s expectations? Have I left it too late to do something different?
And perhaps the biggest question of all.
Who am I when I’m not being everything to everyone else?
I don’t believe these questions mean something has gone wrong in your life.
Sometimes they simply mean you’re ready to grow beyond the version of yourself that got you here.
The woman you were at 25 had different responsibilities, experiences and priorities from the woman you are today. Why should you expect her dreams and decisions to define the rest of your life?
You have changed. You’ve learnt things. You’ve experienced joy, disappointment, love, loss, success and challenges. You’ve discovered strengths you probably didn’t even know you had.
Surely all of that deserves a voice in what happens next.
And perhaps this next chapter isn’t about doing more, achieving more or proving anything to anyone.
Perhaps it’s about finally listening to yourself.
Coming home to yourself doesn’t mean abandoning everyone else
I want to make something very clear.
Choosing yourself doesn’t mean you stop loving your family. It doesn’t mean you suddenly become unavailable to everyone around you. And it certainly doesn’t mean you need to pack your bags, quit your job and completely reinvent your life.
Although, if you’ve been dreaming about a holiday, perhaps it’s time to stop just looking at the pictures!
Coming home to yourself can begin with something much smaller.
It might mean saying no without offering a lengthy explanation. Making time for something you enjoy. Having an honest conversation about what you need. Exploring an interest you’ve been putting off. Or allowing yourself to dream about a future that looks different from your present.
It might mean admitting that you’re tired of always being the strong one.
Or recognising that while you’ve spent years helping everyone else achieve their goals, you’ve quietly stopped working towards your own.
Sometimes the biggest change begins with a very simple decision.
I’m going to start including myself in my own life.
Not when everything is perfect. Not when everyone else gives me permission. Not when there’s nothing left on the to-do list.
Now.
Three questions I want you to sit with this week
Before you move on to the next email, meeting, household task or responsibility, I’d love you to give yourself a few quiet minutes to consider these questions.
1. Where in my life have I been consistently putting my own needs last?
Be curious rather than critical. Notice the patterns that have become so familiar you barely question them anymore.
2. What have I been telling myself I’ll do ‘one day’?
It might be something small or something that feels almost impossible right now. Don’t worry about how you’ll make it happen. Just acknowledge that the desire is still there.
3. If I truly believed my needs and dreams mattered just as much as everyone else’s, what would I do differently this week?
Not next year. Not when circumstances change. This week.
You don’t need to have all the answers. You don’t even need to make a dramatic decision.
But you do need to start having the conversation with yourself.
Because nothing changes when we keep pretending we’re completely satisfied with a life that no longer feels quite right.
Maybe it’s time to say, ‘It’s my turn’
I’ve created Coming Home to Yourself because I believe there are so many women quietly wondering whether there’s something more waiting for them.
Not necessarily more money, more success or more things.
More meaning. More connection. More confidence. More freedom to be themselves.
And I want this to be a place where we can have those conversations. Where we question the beliefs we’ve inherited, explore the possibilities we’ve dismissed and begin to see ourselves differently.
My work is about supporting women to reconnect with themselves, rediscover what matters to them and find the confidence to create a life that feels genuinely their own.
But before any of that can happen, there’s one belief I want you to begin embracing.
You are just as worthy of your own time, energy, care and investment as the people you love.
You don’t have to earn that right by doing more for everyone else.
You don’t have to wait until you’re completely exhausted before you decide something needs to change.
And you certainly don’t have to reach the end of your life wondering what might have happened if you’d given yourself a chance.
So perhaps today, instead of asking what everyone else needs from you, ask yourself a different question.
What do I need from me?
And then give yourself permission to listen to the answer.
Because coming home to yourself begins the moment you decide you’re worth coming home to.
Ready to begin reconnecting with yourself?
I’ve created a free Come Home to Yourself guide with five reflective questions to help you explore what you really want from this next chapter of your life.
Download your free guide here.
And if you’re ready to go beyond reflection and begin making meaningful changes with personal support, I’d love to explore how we could work together through Envision Empower Succeed.
I’d love to hear from you: What’s one thing you’ve been putting off doing for yourself? Share it in the comments. You might just inspire another woman to give herself permission to do the same.
