Let’s begin by explaining what a people pleaser is. The definition of a people pleaser is ‘someone who goes out of their way to make others happy, often at the expense of their own needs and desires.’ A people pleaser has no expectation of anything in return. They are just giving.
What can occur when a people pleaser is constantly giving is they compromise their own wellbeing or forget to take care of themselves, so establishing healthy boundaries is important.
Here are 5 reasons why healthy boundaries are essential;
1. Protecting your time and energy:
Boundaries help you manage your time and energy so that you can take care of yourself first before trying to please others.
- Know your priorities: Understanding what’s most important to you can help you determine where to focus your time and energy. Make a list of your top priorities and use it as a guide when making decisions about how you spend your time.
- Learn to say no: Saying no can be difficult, but it’s an important skill to master if you want to protect your time and energy. Saying NO doesn’t mean you literally have to say no, it can be ‘can I come back to you on that’, or ‘I’m not available at the moment, but I will reach out when I can’. Remember that it’s okay to prioritize yourself.
- Communicate your boundaries: Letting others know about your boundaries can help prevent misunderstandings and reduce the likelihood of others overstepping them. Be clear and direct when communicating your boundaries, and don’t be afraid to reinforce them if necessary.
- Take breaks: Giving yourself time to rest and recharge can help you maintain your energy and avoid burnout. Whether it’s taking a short walk, practising meditation, or simply taking a few deep breaths, find ways to take breaks throughout the day.
Remember, setting boundaries isn’t about being selfish or uncaring. It’s about taking care of yourself so that you can show up as your best self for others.
2. Reducing stress and anxiety
When you have clear boundaries, you can avoid overcommitting and feeling overwhelmed, which can lead to stress and anxiety.
- Prioritize self-care activities, such as exercise, meditation, or spending time with loved ones. This can help you recharge and feel more centered.
- Practice assertiveness by expressing your needs and wants in a clear and respectful manner. This can help you avoid feeling resentful or taken advantage of.
- Seek support from trusted friends, family members, or mental health professionals if you’re struggling to establish or maintain boundaries. Remember, it’s okay to ask for help when you need it.
3. Improving relationships:
Boundaries help you communicate your needs and expectations, which can lead to healthier and more fulfilling relationships with others.
- It shows respect: When you set boundaries, you’re showing others that you respect yourself and your needs. This can encourage them to respect you more too.
- It reduces conflict: By communicating your needs and expectations clearly, you can avoid misunderstandings and conflict that can strain relationships.
- It promotes honesty: Setting boundaries requires honesty and openness. This can help build trust and deepen your connections with others.
Remember, setting boundaries doesn’t mean shutting people out or being unkind. It’s about communicating your needs in a respectful and assertive way, while also considering the needs of others. With practice, setting boundaries can help you build healthier and more fulfilling relationships with the people in your life.
4. Building self-esteem:
Setting and enforcing boundaries can help you feel more confident and assertive, which can boost your self-esteem and sense of self-worth.
- Practice self-care: Taking care of yourself physically and emotionally can help you feel better about yourself. This might include things like getting enough sleep, eating well, exercising, and spending time doing things you enjoy.
- Challenge negative self-talk: If you find yourself thinking negative thoughts about yourself, try to challenge them. Ask yourself if they’re really true, and try to reframe them in a more positive light.
- Celebrate your successes: Take time to acknowledge and celebrate your accomplishments, no matter how small they may seem. This can help you feel more confident and proud of yourself.
Remember, building self-esteem is a process that takes time and practice. Be patient with yourself, and keep working on it. With time and effort, you can become more confident and self-assured.
5. Avoiding resentment:
Without clear boundaries, people pleasers can often feel taken advantage of or resentful towards others. Setting boundaries can help you avoid these negative feelings and maintain healthy relationships.
- Identify your limits: Take some time to reflect on what you are willing to do and what you are not comfortable with. Knowing your limits will help you communicate your needs more effectively.
- Communicate your boundaries assertively: Speak up and express your needs in a calm and respectful manner. Be clear and specific about what you are comfortable with and what you are not.
Remember, there is nothing wrong with being a people pleaser, you just need to make sure you have healthy boundaries to ensure you are not compromising your own self care.